Examples: here are the opening 21 lines from Inferno, first in Dante’s Italian and then in two prose and two verse translations discussed above.
Original Italian (terza rima)
Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita.
Ahi quanto a dir qual era è cosa dura
esta selva selvaggia e aspra e forte
che nel pensier rinova la paura!
Tant’ è amara che poco è più morte;
ma per trattar del ben ch’i’ vi trovai,
dirò de l’altre cose ch’i’ v’ho scorte.
Io non so ben ridir com’ i’ v’intrai,
tant’ era pien di sonno a quel punto
che la verace via abbandonai.
Ma poi ch’i’ fui al piè d’un colle giunto,
là dove terminava quella valle
che m’avea di paura il cor compunto,
guardai in alto e vidi le sue spalle
vestite già de’ raggi del pianeta
che mena dritto altrui per ogne calle.
Allor fu la paura un poco queta,
che nel lago del cor m’era durata
la notte ch’i’ passai con tanta pieta.
Sinclair (prose)
In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost. Ah, how hard a thing it is to tell of that wood, savage and harsh and dense, the thought of which renews my fear! So bitter is it that death is hardly more. But to give account of the good which I found there I will tell of the other things I noted there.
I cannot rightly tell how I entered there, I was so full of sleep at that moment when I left the true way; but when I had reached the foot of a hill at the end of that valley which had pierced my heart with fear I looked up and saw its shoulders already clothed with the beams of the planet that leads men straight on every road. Then the fear was quieted a little which had continued in the lake of my heart during the night I had spent so piteously
Durling (prose)
In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost. Ah, how hard a thing it is to say what that wood was, so savage and harsh and strong that the thought of it renews my fear! It is so bitter that death is little more so! But to treat of the good that I found there, I will tell of the other things I saw.
I cannot really say how I entered there, so full of sleep was I at the point when I abandoned the true way. But when I had reached the foot of a hill, where the valley ended that had pierced my heart with fear, I looked on high and saw its shoulders clothed already with the rays of the planet that leads us straight on every path. Then was the fear a little quieted that in the lake of my heart had lasted through the night I passed with so much anguish.
Hollander (verse)
Midway in the journey of our life
I came to myself in a dark wood,
for the straight way was lost.
Ah, how hard it is to tell
the nature of that wood, savage, dense and harsh
the very thought of it renews my fear!
It is so bitter death is hardly more so.
But to set forth the good I found
I will recount the other things I saw.
How I came there I cannot really tell,
I was so full of sleep
when I forsook the one true way.
But when I reached the foot of a hill,
there where the valley ended
that had pierced my heart with fear,
looking up, I saw its shoulders
arrayed in the first light of the planet
that leads men straight, no matter what their road.
Then the fear that had endured
in the lake of my heart, all the night
I spent in such distress, was calmed.
Mandelbaum (verse)
When I had journeyed half of our life’s way,
I found myself within a shadowed forest,
for I had lost the path that does not stray.
Ah, it is hard to speak of what it was,
that savage forest, dense and difficult,
which even in recall renews my fear:
so bitter-death is hardly more severe!
But to retell the good discovered there,
I’ll also tell the other things I saw.
I cannot clearly say how I had entered
the wood; I was so full of sleep just at
the point where I abandoned the true path.
But when I’d reached the bottom of a hill-
it rose along the boundary of the valley
that had harassed my heart with so much fear-
I looked on high and saw its shoulders clothed
already by the rays of that same planet
which serves to lead men straight along all roads.
At this my fear was somewhat quieted;
for through the night of sorrow I had spent,
the lake within my heart felt terror present.
Sinclair’s translation is good, but already here some chinks in his linguistic armour begin to show as it were. Note the three repeated “there” around the line break for instance, and choices like “I will tell of the other things I noted there” where the word “noted” makes me look at Dante (the character) as going in to this forest with the mindset of an astutely observant police detective - which I’m not sure is the way Dante (the author) meant it. In Durling, no such problems.
In the verse translations I think Hollander scores most points if you compare line by line, but Mandelbaum’s edge - as I perceived it - becomes clearer if you look over the distance of a page or so. His content is the same, but of all translations I’ve looked at so far - prose or verse - this is the only one which has pulled me in and made me get “lost in a book”. It flows so naturally, and there’s a real sense of that you’re reading someone who is burning to tell you something.
